On Christmas Eve in 1991, my friend Jill was in a car accident. Her boyfriend, Bill, was killed instantly because he wasn’t wearing a seat belt. Jill managed to hold on for another week in a morphine induced coma. She died 11 years ago today. I remember the first time I met her. We had the same gym class in middle school. Neither of us wanted to play floor hockey so we huddled on the sidelines for as long as we could. We talked about music. At the time, we were both into the whole metal scene. We were instant friends, I was new to the area and was having a hard time making friends but Jill changed all of that. She was my savior, she pulled me out of nerd hell and brought me into her world. There are so many things I could say about her but they still wouldn’t do her justice.

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How can I teach my five year old daughter that the world is not perfect? She gets so worked up when her Barbie’s hair is out of place or if the cupboards don’t close right in her Barbie Dream house. She cries and yells that everything is “unperfect!” Life around here is terrible when she gets a balloon, because she doesn’t understand that the balloon will deflate. She constantly worries about her pants wearing out in the knees. She will ask me a million times if the pants are going to rip. If I tell her yes, she cries. So I lie and tell her no, fully aware that the pants won’t make it another month. Day after day after day, I scramble around trying to make things perfect for her. Yet, nothing is perfect enough. I try to explain to her that the world is not perfect. Barbie’s hair will get messy, her pants will rip, and balloons will pop. She doesn’t want to accept the fact that the world is not perfect. The more I try the worse she gets. It’s becoming quite frustrating. Other than this one problem, she really is a great person. She’s smart, funny, helpful and very compassionate. I just don’t know how to fix this one thing. I hope it’s just a phase and she will get over it soon. I hate seeing her go through it as much as I hate having to deal with it.

I got this here. Of course, I had to take it. I’m pissed because I wanted to be Frank and I’m not Frank!

take the which one of the trading spaces cast are you? quiz!

My Birthday and Christmas were wonderful. While we were visiting Ben’s parents, we went out with some old high school friends. I was dreading it a little but it really turned out to be a good time. It was fun hanging out. We went bowling and of course, I beat all 3 of the guys. It was an all around good time minus the fact that Troy’s girlfriend is a bitch. I tried to give her a second chance but she is a horrible bitch. That’s all I’m going to say about her because she’s not worth the time it would take to complain about her.

My favorite Christmas Song:

Must Be Santa

Who’s got a beard that’s long and white?
Santa’s got a beard that’s long and white.

Who comes around on a special night?
Santa comes around on a special night.

Special night, beard that’s white,

Must be Santa must be Santa,
Must be Santa, Santa Claus.

Who wears boots and a suit of red?
Santa wears boots and a suit of red.

Who wears a long cap on his head?
Santa wears a long cap on his head.

Cap on head, suit that’s red,
Special night, beard that’s white,

Must be Santa must be Santa,
Must be Santa, Santa Claus.

Who’s got a big red cherry nose?
Santa’s got a big red cherry nose.

Who laughs this way:
HO HO HO?
Santa laughs this way:
HO HO HO!

HO HO HO, cherry nose,
Cap on head, suit that’s red,
Special night, beard that’s white,

Must be Santa must be Santa,
Must be Santa, Santa Claus.

Who very soon will come our way?
Santa very soon will come our way.

Eight little reindeer pull his sleigh,
Santa’s little reindeer pull his sleigh.

Reindeer sleigh, come our way,
HO HO HO, cherry nose,
Cap on head, suit that’s red,
Special night, beard that’s white,

Must be Santa, must be Santa,
Must be Santa, Santa Claus.

Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen,
Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen.

Reindeer sleigh, come our way,
HO HO HO, cherry nose,
Cap on head, suit that’s red,
Special night, beard that’s white,

Must be Santa, must be Santa,
Must be Santa, Santa Claus!

Lyrics from Christmas-Carol.net

Yesterday, Tracy and I did my Mom’s Christmas shopping. It’s so much fun to go shopping and spend other peoples money. I accidentally said, “This is from Santa,” in the toy aisle at Target. Tracy reminded me where we were and then I felt so bad. Thankfully there weren’t any kids around. That could have been disastrous for some parents. Jaycie keeps talking about how she wants a Barbie Cruiser Jeep from Santa. I hope she won’t be too disappointed when she doesn’t get it. It’s $200 and we just don’t have that kind of money to spend on each of them. I’m hoping she will love the Barbie Dream House she’s getting from Jodi, Tracy and Kelli so much that she won’t be to upset about the Jeep. I’m basically banking on that to be the hit of the holiday for her. Max is hard to guess because he likes all toys. I did really well with his presents but I think the Leap Frog Pad Jodi, Tracy and Kelli got him will be his favorite toy too. I just can’t wait to see their faces when they open up their presents. I love that. We are off to see Santa today. I hope the lines isn’t too long but I’m prepared to wait for hours!

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this letter to the editor. Ben wrote a letter in response but I still feel I need to say something somewhere. He actually says God is INTOLERANT. Now I’ve heard everything. I understand this guy has the right to his opinions and I too share in his fear of losing our Freedom of Speech. But he needs to understand that Christianity isn’t the only religion in this country and others have the right to practice or not practice any religion. That is what our country was truly founded upon. Our government shouldn’t rule based on theological beliefs.

He says, “It is painfully clear that the homosexual movement is making serious advances — not just promoting their perversion to our culture, but their campaign and ultimate goal is to silence Christians.” Promoting their perversion to our culture? How can he truly belive that their ultimate goal is to silence Christians? Can’t he see the ultimate goal is to escape persecution from people like him? To be able to live freely. Freedom from harrassment and discrimination. Freedom to express their love the way heterosexuals are able to without being called perverted. Freedom to get married and raise families in a safe enviroment. If there wasn’t so much intolerance within our society there would be no reason for this fight. As I said before, he has the right to his opinions. But his beliefs are just as offensive to me as homosexuality is to him. Who is more right? The answer depends on the person. In the end, we are all human. Be it a Christian, a Homosexual or an Atheist, we ALL have unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness .

Our grades were posted today. I got an A in my class. I figured I would considering I got an A on every paper. I’m a little disappointed because I think everyone got an A so I don’t feel I actually earned it. The class itself was fun but I think it was a total waste of my money because I really didn’t learn anything. Next term should be better because I’m taking a psychology class and a math class. If I earn an A in each of those classes then I will be proud. I’ll even be happy with a B as long as I feel I earned it and I learned something.

Yeah, I screwed up. Yesterday, I wrote 10 more days til my birthday cause I thought it was the 14th and when I looked today I realized in was the 15th and so there were only 9 days but now there are only 8 days. I’m getting older and more forgetful.
I talked to a couple of old high school friend this weekend. Ray e-mailed me filling me in on the latest gossip and Troy and I talked about maybe getting together while Ben and I are in town over Christmas. It’s nice to talk to them but I have come to realize I am so far away from where any of those guys are. I’m a different person then I was then. For years, I struggled with not having any of my old friends in my life but now I realize they don’t really fit in. I’m just not like them any more. Ben dealt with this years ago but I kept holding on. But I can’t anymore. I don’t even care as much as I thought I did. I just keep thinking about the Springsteen song “Glory Days”. Crazy!

Only 10 more days til my BIRTHDAY!!! The kids are getting really excited for Christmas. We wrote letters to Santa today. Jaycie, of course, filled a whole page with things she wants. Max only had about 10 things he wanted, 2 of which I’ve already gotten. At least, they both understand they don’t get everything on their lists.