I just had the most heartbreaking conversation with Max. After I put them to bed, I was downstairs reading and I hear Max crying. I go up to find out what he is crying about and he wails that he is scared that I am going to die. I tried to reassure him that I wasn’t going to die for a long long time by explaining that my Mom is still alive and so is her Mom. That didn’t help at all. He throws himself into my arms and says he will miss me so much when I die. Of course, I start bawling. He asks me where I will go when I die. I tell him I don’t know that no one really knows until they die. This is way beyond his 4 year old mind. He asks what will happen if he digs me up. I told him that I wouldn’t really be there. He asks if my bones will go to the museum and I say no. He says because they don’t put kids parents bones in the museum. I say right, only dinosaur bones. He cries some more, throws his head into my chest and squeezes me tight. I cry along with him. I tell him that no matter where I am I will always be in his heart. I will always watch over him and Jaycie. I will always be around. He cries. I cry. He asks me if I can come back when I die. I say maybe. He asks, “can you come back just like you are?” I say no. I told him maybe I will be a butterfly or maybe I will be a star in the sky. He says Shirley told him we all become stars when we die. I go with it and say I will be a star. I tell him, “I will be up in the sky looking down at you and You can always see and talk to me up in the sky.” He asks me how will he know which one is me. I tell him that he will know. He will see my star and know that it is me watching him. It seems to calm him. He asks if he can be a star when he dies and I tell him of course. He says he will ask all the stars their names until he finds the right one then we can be together. I am still crying…